If you're ever put in the position of calling tech support, for any product or service you benefit, you MUST follow a few simple rules that will make you become an integral and respectable person through the eyes of the totally insignificant persons you're going to talk to. First of all, impose respect from the first seconds of conversation, avoiding any signs of hello. This way, the tech support operator will realize that you're a rushed person that has no time to chit-chat, and will definitely prove maximum efficiency in his further actions. You get a bonus if you're interrupting him from his introductory phrase when he wishes you a good day and says his name. You must also talk to the person who by now is all the more willing to help, with such colorful terms as "dude," "man," "muchacho," and so on, even if he politely addresses you with "Mr." or "Mrs." insert your last name here. You will prove yourself a well-educated person that knows how to communicate efficiently and with dominance. Since you've already been introduced, start complaining about a general issue that has absolutely no connection to your actual problem. And when I'm saying "general issue", I really mean ANYTHING. If you've waited more than a couple of seconds on the line, make sure to remind that to the tech support operator, since obviously he needs to pay more attention to you and your issue. And if you haven't waited at all, invoke the fact that you're paying for this conversation. If it's free, complain arbitrarily about things such as how tediously long the tech support line's phone number is, complain about the fact that you're talking to a different person every time you call, and of course, don't hesitate to mention that you were better with the competition. This acts like spurs to a horse, and will allow the tech support operator to work harder, faster, and outside his normal realm of knowledge to get you to your required fix in record time. When complaining, make full usage of the phrase "I'm paying for these services that I'm not getting". I can assure you this will touch the operator's heart and if he can't solve your problem from behind his desk, he will come to you in person. Don't offer the person you're talking to the time to identify you or to run some basic check-ups. Maintain constant pressure over him that you're calling from the cell phone and that he needs to hurry it up. Anyway, these tech support operators have a big wide screen that displays the necessary information. They already know you called three weeks ago from a neighbor's house, that you wore a blue shirt that day and that you'd had eggs for breakfast -- they have access to all this information and more, and know that you want information regarding your bill when you're calling at 3 AM. By the way, about that 3AM... As often as possible, try to call only around these hours. Motivate them further by saying that no one's answering the phone during the day, that someone answers and immediately hangs up, or even better, that the line was busy every time you tried. Be sure to make full usage of the expression "This is unacceptable!". Furthermore, there should be no modesty during a conversation with tech support. You must mention that you're Doctor Engineer Astronaut Sir "Shaman of the Mountains" Smith and you must enumerate all of your studies and qualifications. Avoid any kind of technical talk. Every bit information the operator shares with you is egregiously wrong. Remember, only you know how things are really going on. Every call center in the world has a secret agreement with every other telephony provider, landlines or cellphones. The operators are actually paid to talk to you longer. That's why when you're being given detailed instructions about what to do, ignore everything and do the first thing that comes to your mind. Don't offer any feedback, regardless. Again, the operators are monitoring you from the satellite and know what you did to your computer, How long it took you to do it, and what you're about to do at any given time. If you follow all of this sage advice, you will pass as an extremely polite man in front of the tech support operators, and those who had the honor of talking to you will tell this encounter to their colleagues, and they will all burst into laughter because they weren't fully ready and prepared to talk to your highness on the phone. This text is a joke and should be treated like one. It just concentrates a high number of customer stereotypes I've encountered in my two years of technical support over the phone. Depending on the effect of this one, I might have a second part I'll write about at a later tine. This might not seem that funny to those who never interacted to technical support, but it honestly worths a read nevertheless.
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If you're ever put in the position of calling tech support, for any product or service you benefit, you MUST follow a few simple rules that will make you become an integral and respectable person through the eyes of the totally insignificant persons you're going to talk to.
Marvin M. Killingsworth writes articles on topics such as Weather Modification Technology and Tv Gps Technology Visit The *REAL* truth about tech support.
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