I mean it. In a world of brash, egomaniacal extroverts, it's simply wonderful to meet a shy person. Someone who is a little bit diffident about telling you how wonderful s/he is. A person who is shy always comes across as having a charm that is singularly missing in most people. Instead of that often brash over-confident person who just loves the sound of her or his own voice, the shy person seems to live and breathe more softly. They're the ones who listen more attentively. Shy people defer to others, and don't enter the daily battle to dominate the airplay in conversations. That's from the point of view of someone who is not shy. Through my counseling Practice, I know that many people wish they were not quite so shy. In my counselling Practice, I've met many clients who whose shyness is to them, a daily burden. It is something that makes them feel uneasy at College because they're worried they'll be called on to speak in a lecture room. And of course sometimes at school, College or work, we are required to make presentations to groups of people. It's in situations like that that shyness can be a challenge. It's also something that can be easily overcome. A most useful website and support information... The most impressive website I've found is Dr Renee Gilbert's site www.shakeyourshyness.com . Think about visiting her information-packed website. Dr Gilbert brings to the site two great assets. First, she is herself a 'recovering' shy person. Read why she uses the term 'recovering' to describe herself. Secondly, she is a fully qualified Psychologist with years of experience in helping people to manage their shyness. Overcoming Your Shyness When we talk about overcoming your shyness, it's not an illness that you have to battle. Part of the wonderful diversity among the human race is that we have quiet and calm people who are happy in their own company, through to quite extroverted people who need others around them all the time. We rarely if ever see the confident extrovert as having to overcome her or his extroversion. In the case of shypeople, their introversion is not any sort of problem except if it causes them any level of unhappiness. If for example, a shy person avoids going to parties and consequently feels lonely and isolated, then of course they'll have to develop ways to feel more confident about going to social gatherings. Dr Renee Gilbert states that "there is one thing most shy people have in common - sooner or later, most of us struggle with a lack confidence in our social skills because our shyness causes us to avoid precisely the kinds of situations that would help us learn to refine our skills. Instead of getting better with time, we get worse through lack of practice. Therefore, I strongly recommend that whatever program you choose include an element of social skills training or practice". For an interesting insight to shyness written by someone who is comfortable with her shyness, consider reading this article by Caroline Knapp http://www.salon.com/mwt/feature/1999/03/05feature.html In terms of actually overcoming your shyness, it will be a matter of degree. It may well be that if you're shy, you'll always be at least a little bit shy. With mindful social skills training and sometimes with Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) you can learn to re-write the script about how to feel a little less uncomfortable in social situations. For my part, I do understand that shyness can make life a bit more challenging but please let's not create any more bombastic extroverts. As with any problem in your life, finding a solution will involve you taking what I call baby steps. That is, you might try to feel less shy and uncomfortable in one situation. Then, when you feel more comfortable in a situation that had previously been difficult for you, extend that gradually to other situations - one little step at a time. And remember: be kind to yourself. If you seem at times to regress rather than improve, accept that you are only human and a wonderfully multi-faceted one at that. You are never simply the things you decide are your weaknesses. As I said in the title of this article, what you consider a weakness others find a delightful blessing.
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A person who is shy always comes across as having a charm that is singularly missing in most people. Instead of that often brash over-confident person who just loves the sound of her or his own voice, the shy person seems to live and breathe more softly.
Dr Kavanagh works in Melbourne, Australia to help people overcome their public speaking fears. Jeannette has helped thousands of people overcome their fear of public speaking. For more information, visit her website http://www.conquerpublicspeakingfears.com/ Sign up for a FREE Public Speaking Success program.
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