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You have spent all day looking after the children - feeding them, washing clothes, picking up after their mess, listening to their whining and temper tantrums, managing their various behavior problems - now the day is over, don't you deserve a bit of peace and quiet and some quality time with your partner? All you ask is that they go up to their room, go to bed, and STAY there! Statistics show that more than thirty three percent children refuse to go to bed before their parents. So, if you are in that situation, here are some pointers that might help: You can start by assessing how much sleep your child needs. While most children below the age of 12 require about 10 to 12 hours sleep there are kids that need much less. Basically, younger children need more sleep and it goes on decreasing as they grow. If your child actually needs less sleep than what you are imposing on him, you are fighting a losing battle. Remember, you cannot force sleep on anyone. If you can’t sleep if you are not sleepy, how can you expect your child to fall asleep at your command? Your child functions very well on just 6 or 8 hours sleep. So be it! There is just no point fighting with them to go to bed 4 hours before they need to. After a few days you will get a fairly good idea how much is your child’s genuine requirement of sleep. Then make sure he/she gets that much despite all odds. Kids will try to stretch their waking hours and they will keep pulling up one tactic or another to manipulate you to delay bedtime. For instance, they will ask for a drink or some such thing. They have a way of making you feel guilty or sorry for them. Don’t fall into the trap. You have given enough attention to them; now, it is their turn to observe bed time rules. Clear about the rules? Okay, the third step is to put this into practice. Establish a bedtime routine. Again, the younger they are, the more important this is. Start well before the target bedtime and lead them through the steps: getting changed, doing teeth and bathroom, reading a story, lights out. Be willing to give them your full attention during this routine. Finally, put the lights out, whether they are asleep or not. Be firm and calm. Make it clear that you expect them to stay in bed. Some children can’t sleep in the dark room; so leave the door open or a night-light for them. If your child likes music, you could put on some gentle, soothing music too. All this is fine, but if the child gets out of bed, or calls for your attention, then you need to judge the situation calmly. If the need is genuine, cater to it without giving them too much attention so that it doesn’t become a routine affair. Children are inventive; they will invent excuses, problems. One way to tackle this is to set a timer and tell them that you will check on them in ten minutes, if they stay in bed. The trick is to begin with a small time and then gradually increase it. Make sure you live by your promise, but don’t overstay. Just come and tuck them in, caress them and leave. If necessary you can repeat this procedure, at gradually lengthening intervals, until they are asleep. Yes, it sounds like lot of work at first, but do this consistently and they will learn to stay in bed for longer and longer periods of time. Eventually they will learn to fall asleep before you next come to check on them. Remember to be positive by praising your child for staying quietly in bed. Also, be very particular about keeping your promise by going to check exactly at the time fixed. This is where the timer comes in handy. Finally, if your child gets up before your next check, you could do the following: Send him firmly back to bed. No need to shout or get angry, just let it be known that you mean business. Tell him you will come up again but after ten minutes, which will be counted from the beginning. Make your point clear and then ignore him until the time for your next check. Remember to reward your child for staying nicely in bed. Make a star chart or something similar to encourage him.
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Dr. Noel Swanson writes regularly for Yes Parenting website and also has a free newsletter on children's behavior problems. Click here to get your own unique version of this article: Uber Articles directory.
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