2 year olds. Don't you just love 'em? Especially when they are rolling around the floor having a good old tantrum. So, are there any tips for making the terrible twos a little less terrible? First of all, don't be fooled by them! Just because they are little, just because they don't talk well, and haven't been around too long, doesn't meant they don't know exactly how to manipulate you to get what they want! Just like anyone else, whatever the age, they will do their best to get the things that they want. And if throwing a temper tantrum or whining, or any other such behavior works to get you to see things their way, then of course they will do it! So, the best way to deal with them is to play the game by their rules: Treat them as you would treat an older child. Here are the basics: A. First, be very clear about what behaviors you will accept and what you won’t. Avoid the non-essentials and focus on the important issues. B. Be clear about your instructions - say what you mean, and mean what you say. Say it once and don't repeat yourself. C. If you have spelt out the consequences of not complying with your instruction, carry it out otherwise the meaning of your words will be lost. D. I don’t mean that you have to punish them but you can use the ‘manners chair’ technique to give an idea what punishment is like. Here is how it works: Place a small child's chair in a corner, facing into the room. Tell your child it is the ‘manners chair’ to teach manners when the child behaves badly. Whenever your child fails to do as told, just send him to the chair with words to the effect of: "Oh dear, you seem to have lost your good manners again. You had better go and sit in the chair until you find them again." Once they have found their manners - as evidenced by compliance or better behavior or them telling you so, then they can come off the chair. In the meantime you ignore them. Especially if they are fussing or whining. Some children are very sensitive. So, instead of making it sound like a punishment, you can make it light and playful by offering to help your child to find his manners again. Look under the chair, or in his pockets, or even in the shoes. This is a smart way of taking their attention away from whining to a more positive attitude. This also saves you the need to shout and be heard. Most children find the manners quite quickly. After this little game, you can bring them back to the instruction you had earlier given and get that done whether it is finishing the meal or apologizing to the sister for thumping her! The ‘manners chair’ is a positive way of telling your child what is expected of him. More often than not, children disobey instructions when they are not clearly given. Remember, manners are not taught in a day. You have to keep repeating and reinforcing them with awards and punishments. This is a fun way of doing it. You will need to maintain a fine balance between fun and serious correction of behavior. Don’t let it become too much of a game by giving a lot of attention to find their manners. Watch your child intently and act accordingly. If it is getting serious, bring in the fun; if it’s becoming funny, drive home the purpose of the manners chair. What is important is that you don't get into yelling mode, and they don't get away with inappropriate behavior. Keep it calm, keep it positive, keep showing that you still love them, but that the behavior is the problem - i.e. the child is not the problem, the problem is simply that she has lost her manners temporarily - once she has found them again, then all will be well again. Now, what about when you are out in public? The key there, as everywhere else, is that you have to mean what you say, say what you mean, and follow up with action. You can use one of these three options in public: 1. Take your child in a corner and do a kind of "manners chair" by saying that all activity will be suspended until he has found his manners. 2. Take them out and do a time out in the car. They are in the car, you are outside, looking AWAY from them. You stand there and you wait patiently until they are quiet. Do NOT respond or get into a "discussion" with them until the tie-out is up. 3. If none of this works cancel the outing and go home and do the manners chair at home. The good news is that you will not have to do this too often. Children are quick to learn provided you are firm and consistent. Just remember to stay calm and in control. Losing your temper will only make matters worse. You will find all this and much more in my book. Here is the link – you can get started today.
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2 year olds. Don't you just love 'em? Especially when they are rolling around the floor having a good old tantrum. So, are there any tips for making the terrible twos a little less terrible?
Dr. Noel Swanson is a leading expert on child behaviour. He has a fascinating website with lots of expert parenting advice that is well worth a visit. More of his articles can be found here: free articles on parenting Get a unique version of this article from our parenting article directory
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