Parents don't get an operators manual along with their new baby. Which is tragic, really, since they are probably the most complex and difficult items that we ever need to manage. Even more tragic when you realize that parenting is the single most important job in the world - the fate of entire communities, nations and continents depends on the quality of parenting that the children receive. By definition, most parents are "average" and their children grow up to lead "average" lives. They find, and keep, a job, find a loving partner, and do a reasonable job of raising the children. But is "average" all that we want for our kids and our society? First, we see our society plagued by problems such as crime, prostitution, homelessness, drug abuse, poverty and broken relationships. In most cases the reason is not hard to find - those tragic adults grew up in tragic homes where "good enough" parenting was sadly lacking. Why? Because, by definition, half of all parents are doing a "below average" job in raising their children. And those children will, most likely, grow up to then do a below average job in raising their children. And so the cycle of depravation goes on. But suppose we could rase that level of "average"? Suppose we could give all this new generation some new skills so that when they become parents they have something better to pass on to the next generation? Wouldn't that result in a better outcome for ALL of us? Second, in a multi-cultural, complex society we need ever better leaders. Men and women who are "whole" - not bogged down by insecurities, hurts and fears that result in corruption, hidden agendas and selfish ambition. We need leaders, in all areas of society, not just politics, who have a capacity for love, generosity, compassion and tolerance. From where do such qualities come? From growing up in secure, loving, and confident families, that's where. Third, look to your own family. Look at how you were raised. Most likely your parents did the best they could, yet I am sure you can see areas in which they failed - with resulting hurts and insecurities that have bogged you down for your entire life. You don't want to pass that on to your children, but are you really any better informed about the process of bringing up children than your parents were? But how can we teach them all that unless we ourselves have been taught? And if all that we have been taught comes solely from what our own, fallible, parents passed on, and from what we have, by chance, picked up from movies, TV, and our friends and neighbors, is it not surprising that the raising of our own children becomes a rather hit-and-miss affair? So why is it that the idea of getting some training as a parent is so repugnant to most people? Why is there such a social stigma to the idea of admitting that, when it comes to raising kids, we don't know it all? Are we nuts? Most people who are sensible recognize the need for training for just about any activity in life - indeed, they positively go out of their way to seek more education and more training so as to enhance their skills and, in turn, enhance their lives. Yet when it comes to raising their children they think they can just make it up as they go along? Most mothers, these days, take ante-natal classes to prepare for the birth of their new baby. Why? Because they want to give their baby the best chance of a safe and successful birth. But that was the easiest part! Far more difficult is knowing what to do with this child for the next 18 years! But no-one seeks preparation and training for that! Isn't it time that this changed? Isn't it time that we made a more deliberate, and systematic, effort to better equip parents with the parenting skills and advice they need? To bring it closer to home, take a look at your own life? If you have children, are you doing the best you can? How do you know you are? You don't know what you don't know, so if you have not had some teaching, how can you know that you are doing all you can to inspire and motivate your children? That you are adapting your behavior to match their temperament so as to best give them confidence and teach them responsibility? Wouldn't it be worth to spend a bit of time and money to read some books, attend a seminar, or watch a DVD so that you can understand them even better? And what are your children learning? How will they learn about child development, the formation of character, and the instillation of morals? The right, and wrong, way to use punishments and rewards so as to help, and not harm, their own children? It seems to me that something that crucial for the success of individuals and of society should be systematically taught in school, right alongside the other essentials for life, such as reading, writing and math. So, next time you watch the news and see yet another tragic shooting, murder, suicide or rape, ask yourself how different it might have been if that person's parents, and grandparents, had had some decent guidance on the challenging task of raising their kids? Then go and get yourself a parenting book. Read it. Discuss it with your friends. You might be amazed at what you discover!
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Parents don't get an operators manual along with their new baby.
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