Almost every parent faces this problem. Some parents learn to ignore it, while others wreck their nerves over it. It leads to frustration, and countless fights and arguments. Neither is desirable. So, here are some tips to overcome it: First, make sure that there is somewhere to put all the stuff. It is no good expecting your child to tidy up if there is no space in cupboards or drawers in which to put it all. This can be difficult in small rooms, so it may take some pre-planning - maybe even installing some additional shelves, boxes under the bed, or chests of drawers. Always, make more room than is required today, because the stuff will go on increasing and the problem will remain unsolved if there is not sufficient space. Moreover, there should be enough space to let the child take out what he wants without having to empty the whole drawer. Once you have solved the storage problem, it is time to establish a routine and appropriate expectations. Every child is different. Some, amazingly, seem to be born with the "tidy gene". Most are not. Also, their definition of tidiness may be very different from yours. Don't expect them to keep their room spotless every single minute of every day. Instead, try to establish, preferably by negotiation, what a reasonable standard of tidiness is, and how often that should be achieved. Which leads on to the next consideration. What is your goal? Is your goal to teach your children how to responsibly look after their belongings - or is it that their untidiness upsets and irritates you? This is important because, in order to achieve the first goal, you will need to allow them to fail at times - ie, not tidy up, and live with the consequences of that. Which may mean that you have to put up with their untidiness for a bit longer! So, once you have established reasonably expectations - eg, that they put things away before bed, or once a week they do a big tidy-up, then it is time to draw up some kind of contract. What this says, in very simple terms, is what are the consequences for success and failure? For example, if the agreement is that they will do a big clean up before lunchtime on Saturday, what happens if they do, or don't, achieve that? Again, the focus should be on rewards not punishments. Give them earned privileges based on achieving the goal. You may want to combine them with a chart system connected to other chores. Of course, you can use some punishments for failure also, but they must be logical consequences, and not out of proportion with the crime. Many parents find the "black bag" technique quite effective. This is a simple exercise of picking up anything still lying on the floor at 1pm on Saturday and putting it into a big black bag. This bag will be thrown into the attic, basement or garage for a week. This bag can be ‘earned’ back if the tidy goal is achieved next Saturday or it will be thrown into the basement and finally into the garbage. But most children learn the lesson much before that happens because they run out of toys. You can achieve tremendous success in teaching your child to tidy up his room only if you can keep a firm check on your emotions. Make sure you don’t shout and scream. As always, you can succeed by being calm but firm. Also, give full freedom to your children to do it their way. You must go up to the room at the appointed time to check. You will need to do it only a couple of times because if you mean business, most children will hate the sight of the black bag and tidy up the room before they have to set eyes on it again. There may be times when you are expecting visitors and you need your child’s room. This is your need and out of the contract. So, remember that this is extra to your original contract, so it would be only fair to offer an additional incentive for them to tidy up. Be grateful that they are doing you a favor by lending their room to you.
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Almost every parent faces this problem. Some parents learn to ignore it, while others wreck their nerves over it. It leads to frustration, and countless fights and arguments. Neither is desirable. So, here are some tips to overcome it:
Dr. Noel Swanson writes frequently for Yes Parenting website and also has a free newsletter with heaps of expert parenting advice. Don't reprint the same version as everyone else. Get your own unique content parenting article here.
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