You have just met your dream lover, the love of your life. That first stirring of mutual chemistry holds the promise of a thrilling romance. But how many of us have been fooled into thinking that we will be compatible with those with whom we have chemistry? All too often we come to realize--with great reluctance and eventual regret--that we are incompatible with that person we thought was going to be our perfect mate. This fact is, unfortunately, that compatibility has nothing to do with chemistry. Compatibility has to do with lifestyles--ours versus our partners. Some examples of lifestyle issues are getting married, whether the couple wants to have children, or whether they want to live in a rural area? It may also encompass such questions as religious beliefs, including how often each member wishes to go to church service, their political preferences, as well as whether one of the partners likes time alone or prefers to spend most of the time with the other partner. These questions can become important issues that may result in conflict. Many of these questions, and others, often do not come up while the couple is dating, but usually arise after some time or when they have begun living together. Along with chemistry and trust, compatibility is one of the three main areas of a successful, long-term relationship. After chemistry, compatibility is the second thing we become aware of with any new relationship, and it can be serious bone of contention in an existing one. How compatible you are with each other is a major determinant of how well you will get along with each other. It can therefore, help predict the success of the relationship. The actual success of your relationship depends on how flexible each of you are relative to each other in the various areas. You may be very adaptable in certain areas but unbending in others. The more inflexible you are in an area, and the more you differ from your partner in that area, the more problems you will likely have. You may also look at it this way. The more areas in which you both agree, and the smaller the difference in those areas that you do not agree, the more compatible you are with each other. If you find major areas of disagreement, do not be discouraged -- working out a mutually agreeable compromise is the key to overcoming many incompatibility problems. There are a number of tools to help you reach a consensus. One such tool we have written,"Your Relationship Compatibility Inventory Matrix," assigns weights to some of the factors that we have mentioned. At the end of the exercise, the couple receives a score advising them on how compatible they may be for a long term relationship.
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Compatibility,chemistry,trust,the three pillars that make up the basis for a new relationship. Which one do you think is most important?
© 2010, William Marzullo, MD William G. Marzullo, MD, freelance writer and e-book author is published in both the medical and relationship literature areas. He is a family practice physician with broad international experience in medicine and author of the e-book, "Get That Girlfriend." The accompanying website http://www.get-that-girlfriend.com, is dedicated to positive dating experiences. See other dating articles at http://ezinearticles.com/?Giving-Your-Boyfriend-Or-Girlfriend-Money---Should-You-Do-it?&id=4006137.
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