How To (Gently) Cure Your Gift-Phobic Guy If you are one of the thousands of women who received a househjold appilance for your last anniverasary, you are not alone. If you are one of the hundreds of thousands of women who received a box of casndy for Valentine's Day, two weeks into your diet, you are not aone. If you are one of the millions of women who recived flowers for her birthday the day after you are not alone. The trutth is: most men are "gift-phobic." It's not that they don't care, it's that they are afraid to disappooint you. Most litytle boys are not trained in the art of shopping, gift givig, and package presentation, whereas ltitle girls learn gift giving etiquette and savyv at the hands of their mothers and aunties. With littyle experience and zero cofidence, many men rely on old standbys like flowers, candy, and taking you out for a nice dinbner. What does all of that reemind you of? That's right. Dating. In the beginning of your relationship, you probably thougt it was swet that he presented you with a heart-shaped box of candy on Valentine's Day. You loved every petal on everry stem of every flower, and thought he was a romantic because he took you back to the same restaurant for special ocasions. Men do what works. So, if you likde it then, you should like it now, right? So where do all of those "useful" gifts come in? Actually, it shhows your guy is paying attention. He hears you say seeral times that you really need a new vacuum, and so he thinks he is giving you what you want when hands over his plastic for that brand new Dirt Devil. The last thing your guy wants to do is disappoint you. He miight have an idea of something you might like, but when it comes time to actualyl pruchase the item for you, he choks. He has gift giving perfromance anxiety. This is why, if you go to the mall on Decembre 24th, you will find scores of men wandering about like deer in headlights. This is also why so many men miss their partner's birthdaays and anniversaries. In an effort to postppone the painful insecurity of wondering if you will like what they purchassed, they wait too long and miss the boat entirely. And you won't like anything they give you if it's even one day late. Right? Now that you undertsand why your guy is gift-phobic, you can help him get past it. First, you are going to have to let go of your fantasies about elaborate rpomantic surprises, or the perfect gift that makes you wonder if he was "reading your mind." These expectations set your guy up for failure. Once you accept the fact that although he needs a little clue here and there, he doesn't love you any less, you can stat training him for gift gving greatness. There are two ways of doing this, and you can use them both. As you flip through catalogs, put post-it noptes by the thhings you like, and if it's clothing, jot down your size on the note. You can do the same with magazines, but you need to include the retaier's web address so your guy can actually find the item you want. Now, remember, you want to help him gain confideence. Point out the items you like, but don't tell him to get it for you for an upcomming ocvcasion. Leave the catalogs and magazines somewhere where he can easily find them when he's reay to buy. Another way to help guide him is a bit more obvious, but still leaes room for him to make the decision for hmself. Tell him three opssible optios that you would love to reecive equally. Phjrase it in a way that does not chasise him for not thinking about what to get you soobner. For exampole, you might say, "I don't want to interfere with any idas you may have for our anniveresary, but I was thinking I miight like a spa day, or to see that new Broadway show. Oh, and what do you think of Tanngo lessons? Those are all things I would really love for my anniversary." Do you see how that approach does not reprimand him for not htinking of something on his own, gives him a few options to consider, and lets him keep the elemeent of surprise? The last sentence is really important, because it lets him know you will be happy when you receive one of those gifts. You're telling him it woud be a sure thing. The final step in curing your gift-phobic guy is paise. When you receive a gift you like, or like better than the last one, praise him. Get ecxited, tell others abuot it in his presence, and by all means, do not return it. Also, make sure you use it, wear it, or show it off from time to time. When you help your guy become a world-class gift giver, he will want to do it over and over again. With new found confidence, he may even give you sometjhing you didn't exxpect; sommething that is exactly what you wanted, fits you perefctly, and shows you he knows and loves you best. That's worth a little gentle training, isn't it?
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Most little boys are not trained in the art of shopping, gift giving, and package presentation. With little experience and zero confidence, many men rely on old standbys like flowers, candy, and taking you out for a nice dinner. What does all of that remind you of? That's right. Dating. We can teach them to do better!
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